Ok, it is about time I continued on and began to answer the questions I posted on my last blog….so many days ago.
The question for now, posed above…”What did I do wrong?” (a reminder, these questions are all from the spouse of a sex addicted husband’s point of view as answered by me a recovering husband!)
There isn’t a single wife who my wife has counseled with or heard from when they talk with her the first time about their husbands behavior that doesn’t think this thing is either partially or wholly her fault. This is just a natural response to anyones rejection by anyone else. I mean, we want everyone to love and accept us especially our spouse, don’t we? Sexual addictive behavior, acting out, adultery, sexual sin; whatever lable you want to put on it, makes the offended one feel they some how don’t measure up if they can’t meet their husband’s needs in any category.
The simple answer 99% of the time is “You didn’t do anything wrong”. The other 1% of the time the only wrong the spouse may have done was to ignore obvious signs of unfaithfulness and that still isn’t the cause of the husbands issue. And by wrong, I mean the spouse being in denial, codependant, whatever.
When it comes to sexual addiction, it doesn’t matter whether the spouse is a literal bathing beauty, a “tiger in bed” as some men desire, a great cook, uglier than a mud fence or whatever, nobody including any one the addict may come across in his behavior will meet his need after a time…the path of sexual sin, pornography, affairs, etc is a bottomless spiral into a pit. Just a s drug addict has to have a bigger “hit” to achieve the same “high” that he/she experienced the last time, a sex addict has to keep adding elements of excitement/danger/perversion to their activity to achieve that same high.
So, wives, no matter what your husband/partner/lover may try to convince you of, it isn’t your fault. If you would like to hear from my wife on this issue, go to our website www.heartwords.org and contact her.
More later, keep checking back and comments are welcome.
2 Comments
Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI
thnx bro
your good